We live in an age of rapid change. The image of manhood, once taken for granted for centuries, now seems to be in crisis. Many young men today feel lost, without a compass, trapped in cycles of people-pleasing, approval-seeking, and instant gratification. Instead of stepping up as the main characters of their own lives, they retreat into modern sedatives: pornography, video games, endless scrolling on social media, drugs, or the hollow comfort of digital “likes.”
The result is a generation of what Robert Bly, in his book Iron John, called “soft men”: nice, polite, non-threatening… but also lacking inner strength, purpose, and the vitality that once defined masculinity.
The Loss of the Father Figure
One of the most decisive factors is the absence of the father. For decades now, the collapse of the traditional family has left millions of boys without a strong male role model. The father is no longer that reference point who sets limits, passes down values, and shows what it means to be a man. In his absence, many grow up in homes dominated solely by the mother—or worse, in homes with no real authority at all.
Psychologically, this breeds insecure men with no solid identity, men who end up chasing approval—especially from women—because they never received it from a father figure.
A Feminized Education System
Our education system, once balanced, is now overwhelmingly dominated by female teachers, counselors, and administrators. That wouldn’t necessarily be a problem if it weren’t tied to a cultural bias that rewards behaviors like being “nice,” compliant, and overly agreeable.
In other words, boys are being trained to adapt to female expectations rather than to cultivate strength, independence, and the ability to stand firm. The unspoken message is clear: a “good boy” is one who doesn’t rock the boat, doesn’t push back, and above all, doesn’t make anyone uncomfortable. But where does that leave room for constructive rebellion, risk-taking, and creative strength—traits that have always been part of a healthy masculinity?
Feminism and Woke Ideology
On top of this, we have the rise of mainstream feminism and woke ideology. Instead of promoting balance between the sexes, these movements often foster guilt, self-censorship, and outright shame about being male. Masculinity is constantly painted as toxic, oppressive, or dangerous.
This cultural bombardment pushes men into living in a state of apology—apologizing for their instincts, for their natural drive to protect, to compete, to lead. Instead of stepping into manhood with pride and responsibility, they learn to suppress it.
The Soft Man: A Symptom of a Bigger Problem
Robert Bly pointed out that “soft men” aren’t necessarily bad men. They tend to be kind, sensitive, and cooperative. The problem is that they lack roots, direction, and inner fire. They’re like trees without a trunk—easily swayed by the winds of external validation.
And this isn’t just a personal issue. A society built on soft men cannot sustain culture, families, or community. What’s at stake here is not just individual manhood, but collective vitality.
Where Do We Go From Here?
As men, we have a duty: to live out our masculinity with purpose and to do great things for the people we care about and for the world we live in. Our goal should not be chasing validation, but finding a purpose greater than ourselves—something that pulls us out of passivity and turns us into ambitious, productive men with direction.
Sure, much of what’s been said here may sound dark, but it’s not all bad news. More and more people are starting to question whether what society preaches should really be treated as gospel. The truth is, we don’t have to accept the dominant narrative passively—we can challenge it, resist it, and build something better.
There’s a powerful quote by G. Michael Hopf that sums this up perfectly:
“Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.”
We’re living in the “good times” right now, which have produced weak men. But the hard times are coming—and what the world needs now, more than ever, are strong men.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Stay sharp, stay grounded, and above all—don’t let your strength fade away.
